


tell me that it's worth it

by sicklikewinter



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-23
Updated: 2012-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-22 03:41:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/605432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sicklikewinter/pseuds/sicklikewinter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you're not sure if you're even supposed to <i>be</i> in this world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	tell me that it's worth it

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i was sad and lonely  
> i kinda want to expand more on this but idk

The sounds of the night are deafening as you sit in the sand, your feet submerged ankle-deep in cold ocean water. There’s a bonfire a couple feet behind you, where Dave, Rose, and Jade huddle close for warmth. You can hear muffled laughter and your heart feels heavy in your chest. 

You’re pretty sure you don’t belong in that group. 

It’s a feeling in the back of your mind, a whisper that tells you, “you don’t belong” over and over and over and over again. It’s starting to wear you down, and these excursions with Dave and everyone else are exhausting and your patience is wearing thin.

It hurts to think they’re only taking you along because you were the youngest, the last one to grow up—they’re all eighteen while you’re still seventeen and you know that dave is about to turn nineteen soon, and then rose! gosh your friends are growing up!!!—and they’re friends with you out of  _pity_.

You know there’s something missing here, you’re the wrong John for them—you dream in technicolor swirls, of gods and the wind and grey skinned teens that had a habit of yell-click-wrring rather than speaking—and you wonder when that’ll suddenly wake them up.

“Yo Egbert, why are you here by your only lonely dude? There’s some sick fires going on over there, c’mon and join us.” Dave’s voice startles you, and you turn quickly, your hand sinking into the ice cold water. It sends a shiver down your spine, and you smile weakly.

“Nah I’m stargazing!! They’re really bright tonight!” your smile is thin, and you’re pretty sure Dave can tell. His eyebrow rises in curiosity and then he’s sitting next to you. A quick glance behind you reveals that Rose and Jade are hidden behind the fire, and you wonder if they can see you and Dave. 

The warmth from Dave is comforting, and you surreptitiously move closer. His hand bumps your own as he grips it, and your face flushes. Dave is staring out at the ocean, and the moon’s reflecting in the water; not seemingly conscious of his hand holding shenanigans. 

“You don’t feel like you belong huh?”

“W-What?”

He looks at you, and a corner of his mouth twitches upwards. Your heart pounds in your chest, and you wonder if Dave feels the same exact thing you do. Wrong boys in the wrong kind of universe, where things are  _happy_  and  _too perfect,_  too right and not enough of wrong. 

His grip on your hand tightens and then he leans close to you. There’s a moment where time seems to stand still and you remember a copy of Dave who does more poker face and less corner mouth smiles and he wielded time like turntables and died a thousand times over. Your heart aches, and when he kisses you on the lips, all you can taste is ash and heat.

When the two of you pull away, he looks embarrassed, even through the shades and you can’t help but laugh. You can taste him all over again when you swallow, but you can also taste salty tears that are apparently falling down your cheeks. To distract him from asking questions, you fling yourself at him. The scent of the bonfire stings your nose, a welcome distraction and you hug him tighter.

You just want to feel normal in this world, not like you don’t belong—you’re positive you don’t belong here it doesn’t feel right fit at all and this dave isn’t yours and the jade and rose sitting together aren’t yours either and it  _hurts_ —and you wonder if you’ll ever feel right here.

“I don’t belong here Dave, it’s all wrong; and you don’t fit here either but you’re not the same as me. You’re lost and I’m lost and we’re not in the right place,” your voice is muffled and Dave tenses at your words. He grips your shoulders tight and pulls you away. 

He stares at you, and for a while it’s almost… calming. Then he stands, and without a single word as to what just transpired, he  _leaves_. 

It hurts more than you expected.

(why are you walking away dave you were just telling me how odd you felt in this place come back)

It’s frustrating to watch him leave.

(dave c’mon this isn’t funny come here and tell me what you meant!)

You wanted him to pat you on the back and tell you it’d be all okay.

You want to go home and  _see_  your Dave and not this Dave it hurts and all you want to do is swim out to sea and never return maybe then you’ll be sent back to your Dave and the game and your windy thing and you’ll be just fine and dandy afterwards. 

(it won’t be okay it won’t ever be fine in this world you’re never going back  _home._ )


End file.
